


Fuyu no Oni

by Elefwin



Category: Peacemaker Kurogane
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-28
Updated: 2010-03-28
Packaged: 2017-10-08 09:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elefwin/pseuds/Elefwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[follows volume 2 of Peacemaker Kurogane the manga] Conscience is a troublesome thing to have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuyu no Oni

Their rooms are next to each other. It would be easy to make a mistake. No-one ever does. Hijikata Toshizou, now the only vice-commander of the Shinsengumi, stands before the two doors, feeling stupid.

_They are not avoiding each other, it's just circumstance drawing their paths apart._

Stupid or not, he is no coward, though. And if he is honest with himself, no matter how twisted his own conscience has become, he ought to use it. So he calls out his name, but does not wait for an invitation to enter. For once, he does not know what awaits him inside.

Captain Okita is sitting in bed with his back to the door, a study in black and white. Both captain Okita's swords rest on their stand. Not that it would matter, but to begin with...

"You are not sleeping."

"And neither are you, Hijikata-san."

The door slides shut. Captain Okita bows his head.

Hijikata walks over, still uninvited, and sits across from him, so close that their knees touch, and it really does not matter.

_It's not like they dare not look each other in the eye, they just do not meet face to face these days._

He looks at Okita's stiff shoulders and uneven bangs instead, at his hands scratched raw, as though Souji fought a wildcat, at papers strewn across the bed... And before he knows it he reaches for a page written in a familiar hand, a page listing ways for a Shinsengumi to die.

"It says nothing of murder."

"`Course not."

Murder, after all, comes naturally.

"I -" Okita Souji, who always has a ready tongue and then some, stumbles over the word.

"You are being selfish. _We_."

Okita looks up at that, and he looks awful. He looks like he had not slept in a week. In the faint trembling light he does look like a demon child. Still, Hijikata must look even worse: he's grinning.

It is easy then to draw Okita into a loose embrace, to whisper into his ear, for they are together in this and no rank, no skill, no law can fix it.

"You see, I hold onto that which is mine."

Warm breath washes down Souji's neck and he shivers, for the first time noticing how cold the room has become.

"And sometimes, when the hold's too tight..."

His face is pressed awkwardly against a collarbone. He can smell frost and smoke, cloth and skin, and not a hint of omnipresent scent of blood. Souji does not know how it can be, he just breathes, as deeply as he can. His nose is cold, and his eyelashes stick to cloth and skin when he blinks.

"...death can seem a sure-fire escape."

"Oh," Souji says. "About that," Souji says, "you know..."

"Shut. Up."

"You _do_ know," Souji says, and those strong arms lock around him, too tight.

It is easy. He is tired and unwell, and he can't breathe quite right, but he can escape: twist out of the crushing hold, and... and do what?

Okita Souji laughs softly, and there's very little sane or human about that sound.

Instead of breaking free he presses closer, wraps his own arms around Hijikata and clings, holds on for dear life to the only man mad enough to try this. Closer, until there is no space for even death between them. He is trembling with effort, or maybe it is Hijikata-san's heartbeat.

His face feels hot and wet: he must have laughed himself to tears...

"Tetsu-kun was right," he says when he's done sniffling into his commanding officer's chest and can trust his voice again.

"Rrrrm?" the grunt also reverberates through him. Souji snickers.

"About lis'ning to the sound of someone's heart," he explains. A silent "Ha!" stirs his hair, and he does slip, suddenly too tired, he slips from grace, but that's all right, because demons will always catch him...

Hijikata Toshizou stares at the man sound asleep in his arms for a long time. When Okita begins to snore softly he lowers him back onto the futon and stares some more. Okita still looks exhausted, but at least now he looks alive. Hijikata blinks hard, heaves a sigh, mutters something that makes young Ichimura sneeze in his sleep. Then, very carefully, he bends to press an ear to Okita's chest and listens to a strong, steady beat behind the rasp that drags along Souji's every breath...

An arm loops around his neck and does not let go.

"Souji..."

Now there are two fever-hot hands ghosting over his shoulders, undoing the cord in his hair, tickling his ear, tangling them together...

"_Souji_." The hands still. "If I stay like this I'll have cramps all over -"

"A-ah," says Okita dreamily. "I'll give you a massage come morning, Hi-ji-ka-ta-san."

**Author's Note:**

> fuyu no oni ~ demons in winter [jap.]


End file.
